Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Have You No Shame, Direct TV?

Well, this is just despicable. First, DirectTV let Craig T. Nelson prop himself up with the corpse of the late Heather O'Rourke to shill for their awful cable service. But no one noticed, because whatever. Maybe there aren't a lot of Heather O'Rourke fans on the Internet? Then, those ghouls at Direct TV used poor, defenseless King Kong to sell their shoddy cable service, which is basically CGI animal abuse. Where is Peta when you need them? And then last week, the bottom-feeding leeches at Direct TV no doubt forced Chris Farley's family to sign off on a commercial using their dead son's image to sell satellite dishes—and public outrage finally erupted.

"How dare Chris Farley's family choose how to use their son's image?" the people cried, "Only we, the people who saw his movies and laughed at his fat guy dance and who therefore own him, should get to decide these things. Probably by some kind of general ballot or Internet poll or something."

"David Spade is just despicable. Well, more despicable than usual." Everyone agreed. "Ewwww. Yuck." We all concluded.

And those commercials were yucky…and irritating, just like every other Direct TV commercial ever. Still, Direct TV absorbed the public's criticism of their terrible ad—well, at least they seemed to stop running the Farley ad as much. It seemed like maybe Direct TV had finally learned their lesson: people don't like beloved once-alive things trying to sell them a satellite dish.


Then Direct TV released a new, despicable ad, this one defiling not one but two corpses: the dead careers of both Dana Carvey and Kim Basinger.      

Have you no shame, Direct TV?

What a silly question. Obviously you have no shame: you're a satellite cable company. Also, you're responsible for one of the worst commercials of all time. No, not the Chris Farley one, or the Poltergeist one, or the Alien one—although those are all pretty bad. I'm talking about the one that killed Beyoncé's "Upgrade U":

You murdered that song, Direct TV. How does that make you feel? Can satellite providers feel anything but surcharges?

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