Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Hair Gel Is The New Botox

Considering that it magically appears anytime anyone says the word "brah" three times fast (try it),  men's hair gel is one of those products that doesn't need to be advertised. Men's "sculpting paste," however, is another story.

In case you're wondering what exactly men's sculpting paste is, from what I can gather, it's a high-tech, top-secret formula made from a base of bat guano, the screams of a hundred innocents, and the tears of ovulating women who live in remote parts of the Andes. As for what it does to a man, that's easy. Judging by the following commercial, sculpting paste seeps deep into the scalp and paralyzes facial muscles, giving you the perfect plastic face to match your plastic hair.

So stylish. So completely immobile. With just one application, you'll be ready for any and all stock photo modeling opportunities that come your way.


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