Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, March 16. All times are Eastern.
The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.): So there’s this show on FX. Come on, you know FX—it’s the much older brother of FXX, and we once heard that it “has the movies,” whatever that means. So this show is called The Americans, but it’s about Russian spies. Believe us, it’s not that confusing. Tonight, it comes back for its fourth season. Now here’s where we get to that part where we’re not quite sure how you haven’t heard of The Americans: We’ve reviewed the first three seasons (and thanks to the comrade Erik Adams, the same will be true for the fourth season) and even done a pre-air review of this season. Mind blown?
If your mind’s not blown, then here’s what you have to expect for tonight’s season four premiere: “Picking up on the heels of last season’s finale, the season 4 premiere of The Americans sees Philip and Elizabeth dealing with the fallout of all they’ve wrought. What will happen when the FBI finds out about Gene’s suicide? How will Pastor Tim deal with the revelation that they are Russian spies? And will they be able to handle a dangerous, new bioweapons assignment?” So many questions, hopefully enough time for some answers.
Happy Valley (Netflix, midnight): Season two. It’s up right now.
Schitt’s Creek (Pop, 8/8:30 p.m.): Where did David go? That’s the question in the (first half of the) second season premiere of Schitt’s Creek, “Finding David.” (“Family Dinner” is the second half.) You remember Schitt’s Creek, right? It’s the show Sandra Bernhard calls “genius” (and show creator Dan Levy “absolutely ingenious”). And as for that David character (who’s actually played by creator Dan Levy), he’s the one who LaToya Ferguson called the closest thing to the series’ “emotional heart.” So go to Pop, have a few laughs.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): We guess this is the episode where Phil and Claire’s marriage implodes: “Phil has a new client who happens to be ‘his type,’ and knowing that might get him in trouble with Claire, he tells some seemingly innocent lies, which then lead to more, and soon enough he’s in a full spiral. Meanwhile, Gloria suspects her yoga instructor has the hots for her and asks Claire to come with her to class, but the instructor ends up giving Claire a lot of inappropriate attention, and she likes it.” As we say often, have fun, Kyle Fowle.
Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): “It’s the wedding viewers have longed for when Deacon and Rayna tie the knot, complete with captivating music performances by series regulars Charles Esten, Clare Bowen, Sam Palladio, Lennon Stella and Maisy Stella as well as cameos by Jay DeMarcus of Rascal Flatts and singer/songwriter Jim Lauderdale portraying themselves.” This is the most impersonal episode synopsis we’ve ever seen, and you know what? It’s kind of perfect for this season of Nashville. Speaking of this season of Nashville, Gwen Ihnat checks in with a review of this episode.
Broad City (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): “Abbi must go to the DMV; Ilana discovers her new purpose in life.” What could be Ilana’s new purpose in life? What was her old purpose in life? Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, please guide us through Ilana’s personal journey.
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.)
Star Wars Rebels (Disney XD, 9 p.m.)
Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m.)
Hap And Leonard (Sundance, 10 p.m.)
Younger (TV Land, 10 p.m.)
As it turns out, Criminal Minds can’t solve all of the crimes, so now it’s time for a spin-off. That makes sense, right? At least Pilot Viruet tries to make sense of it in her pre-air review of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. That’s not really a specific subtitle, and based on Pilot’s review, that appears to be intentional… as well as the problem with the whole show.
In less problematic territory, Alex McCown interviews musician and composer Bear McCreary. That’s right, nerds—Alex McCown spoke with the man behind the sounds of Battlestar Galactica, Defiance, Eureka, and other shows outside of Syfy.
And then we bring you back to the review world with Dennis Perkins’ pre-air review of Daredevil season two. Based on what he provides in said review, it looks like there are still no Evanescence jams in the show, so…
Rosewood (Fox, 8 p.m.): In tonight’s episode, Sherri Shepherd plays a new medical examiner, which gives us all the reason in the world to post this:
Young & Hungry (Freeform, 8 p.m.): “Young & Rob’d.” You see this? Do. You. See. This? We’re not the ones on the wrong side of this argument, Young & Hungry!
Mob Wives (VH1, 8 p.m.): It’s “The Final Sitdown.” That sounds like a reunion, but it could also be some Mob Wives-inspired performance art. We’re really hoping for the latter. Because of the fun! Wait a minute—TV Guide Dude got their hands on this one! “A reality series about allegedly ‘connected’ women and their lives when their men go to prison.” The sass. The Dude.
Baby Daddy (Freeform, 8:30 p.m.): “Jess Cagle, editorial director of People and Entertainment Weekly, makes a special appearance as himself.” Question: Is this what the target audience of Baby Daddy wants? No judgment, we just want to know what Becomers are into.
Wahlburgers (A&E, 9/9:30 p.m.): “Mark heads to Philadelphia to host The Festival of Families and honor Pope Francis. Elsewhere: Alma, Paul and Bob attend a family reunion and Brandon gets his first chance to play the family poker game.” Where do the burgers come in? We’re guessing Mark brings some to the Pope. Then, “Donnie tries to bring Wahlburgers to the set of Blue Bloods, but his plans come apart when Mark sends Paul to Costa Rica for a vacation.” Come on, Donnie.
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): “The BAU heads to Wichita in search of an UnSub abducting children while their parents sleep.” And yes, the episode is titled “The Sandman.” At least Criminal Minds knows what the people want.
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m.): “After last week’s shocking elimination, Chef Ramsay invites the contestants to participate in a breakfast challenge.” From 60 to zero, it appears.
Face Off (Syfy, 9 p.m.): “Five artists remain for the Focus Challenge of creating a unique Cyclops character.” Idea: a Cyclops on a unicorn. Totally unique.
Donnie Loves Jenny (A&E, 10/10:30 p.m.): “In the Season 3 premiere, Donnie wants to buy a motorcycle to keep his edge, but struggles to pass his motorcycle test.” Can you feel it? Can you feel the edge of Donnie Wahlberg? “Donnie’s first birthday is celebrated and Evan dives straight into adolescence.” Wait, how old is Donnie Wahlberg?
Kocktails With Khloé (FYI, 10 p.m.): Tia Mowry continues her villainous quest to infiltrate and kidnap: “Khloé sits down with Travis Barker; Tia Mowry-Hardrict; Brian J. White; and Lauren Ash.” Mmhmm.
Underground (WGN America, 10 p.m.): “At the same time John and Elizabeth step into a strange new world, a plantation dance becomes the perfect distraction for a heist.” A plantation heist, huh? Sounds lit. (We’re sorry we said that, but we couldn’t help ourselves.)
Teachers (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.): Season finale! It’s the end of the school year, “and Ms. Cannon is upset by the lack of gifts from her students.” Don’t be upset, Ms. Cannon. You can’t expect much from kids, especially when it comes to gifts.
Watch What Happens: Live (Bravo, 11 p.m.): Abbi and Ilana! No, those aren’t Bravo TV stars—they’re the Abbi and Ilana we’d get excited about!
Antwone Fisher (HBO, 7:55 p.m.): Denzel!
UEFA Champions League Soccer: Barcelona vs. Arsenal (FS1, 3:30 p.m.)
NCAA March Madness Bracket Breakdown (CBS Sports, 4 p.m.)
College Lacrosse: Albany at Maryland (ESPNU, 6 p.m.)
NCAA Basketball Tournament: Holy Cross vs. Southern (TruTV, 6:30 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Thunder at Celtics (ESPN, 7 p.m.)
NIT Basketball Tournament: Belmont at Georgia (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Magic at Hornets (FSN, 7 p.m.)
NIT Basketball Tournament: Princeton at Virginia Tech (ESPNU, 8 p.m.)
NHL Hockey: Flyers at Blackhawks (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.)
NIT Basketball Tournament: Houston at Georgia Tech (ESPN2, 9 p.m.)
NCAA Basketball Tournament: Michigan vs. Tulsa (TruTV, 9 p.m.)
NBA Basketball: Clippers at Rockets (ESPN, 9:30 p.m.)
NIT Basketball Tournament: Alabama (Birmingham) at BYU (ESPNU, 10 p.m.)
Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.)
WWE NXT (WWE Network, 8 p.m.)
Ring Of Honor (Comet TV, midnight)
New Girl: Remains nostalgic, because millennials, are we right?