Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Further Adventures In Press Releases

From my inbox (Thanks, Jeff):

Think of Farah Fawcett, Jennifer Aniston or Victoria Beckham (aka “Posh Spice”).  What do they have in common? Their hairstyles define them and even become as famous as the women themselves. Because each of these women's hair was inseparable from her personality, each achieved style-icon status.

Well, move over ladies - there is a new class of style trailblazers that are landing on the top of today’s “Best Dressed” lists.  But you won’t find them on the red carpet or on the runways.  Instead Hollywood’s latest fashion A-listers are at the playgrounds and on playdates.  Little tots like Suri Cruise and Kingston Rossdale are being hailed as the next best thing of their generation in terms of style.  Celebrity kids are sporting rocker chic Mohawks, bohemian-cool shags and posh bobs causing stylists to acclaim them as today’s hairstyle icons.

Stars! They just keep getting younger and younger, am I right? Move over people old enough to make choices for themselves! You know who's my style icon? Kingston Rossdale! He's the best thing of his generation in terms of style. (What language was this press release translated from?) He make very nice style for children's group buzzword!

He really is the closest thing that the toddler generation has to its very own Fonzie—just so funky and cool when he waddling around in his urine-soaked Pull-ups (they expand when they're wet—but he totally pulls it off!). Also, the way his skull is still soft in places because his skeleton hasn't reached full developement yet? I just love that! I wish my skull wasn't all ossified. It looks sooo much chicer when it's still a little spongey. Just makes the mohawk fall better, you know?


So what's the product, press release? You have me intrigued when you begin with a command like, "Think of a woman who very recently wasted away from cancer in public, of a woman whose beigeness knows no bounds, and of an android." Now what do I think of? Tell me!

“Today's fashionable parents think of their children as extensions of themselves,” says Tami Dimmerman, mother of two and creator of Le Baby Inc., a hypoallergenic hair gel designed especially for babies, kids and anyone with sensitive skin. “Today’s modern kids need to look just as fashionable and stylish as their cool moms and dads.  Hairstyles have become a way of self-expression for kids and remind others that they have their own personalities.”

Illustration for article titled Further Adventures In Press Releases

Eww. Baby hair gel? If you put that on your kid it'll remind everyone of only one thing, "This kid's parents are assholes!"  But actually that's a pretty good thing to remind people of from time to time. If nothing else, it'll explain that impenetrable 3-foot radius of solitude surrounding the helpless blob of your own self-expression at the playground.

Le Baby hair gel is a styling gel free of harsh chemicals meant to define wispy curls and tackle unruly after-nap hair. While the concept of baby hairstyling products might seem a little child-beauty-pageant to some, for many moms and dads it’s a must-have diaper bag accessory.  From taming those wild fly-aways to smoothing frizzies, Le Baby hair gel works on all hair types and is hypoallergenic for sensitive skin. Whatever your child’s hair type, Le Baby will make combing and styling a cinch. The unique formulas leave hair shiny, healthy looking and more manageable.
Retail Cost$9.95


Le Baby. Get it? Because the baby's parents subscribe to the misguided notion that putting a French "the" in front of something instantly translates to sophistication? "Let's take Le Jeep to Le Sears to buy Le Tool Set." It's like poetry! Exotic, sophisticated poetry. 

The only must-have diaper bag accessories are diaper-related. If you're constantly worrying about "styling" your baby's hair, you're not raising a child, you're raising a sentient Fashion Fever Barbie Styling Head. You know who has raised three such creatures? Teresa from the Real Housewves Of New Jersey. Maybe you can arrange a playdate!


And now for a testimonial:

"I tried Le Baby hair gel on my 1 year old son Jack and absolutely loved it. Jack's skin is very sensitive so I am always concerned about using hair products that contain chemicals, as they would definitely irritate his scalp. Thanks to Le Baby I don't have to worry because their products are all natural. In addition to that his hairstyle held all day! I highly recommend Le Baby hair gel to all moms looking to give their kids some cool style with no worries!"


You know what will eventually be more irritating to Baby Jack than chemicals on his scalp? His hairgel-happy mom! His poor scalp was probably rebelling against his mom's stupid styling ideas, and now Le Baby has ruined Jack's natural defense system. Thanks a lot, Le Baby.

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`