The Walking Dead (AMC, 9 p.m.): Much like the zombies that it features, the show that is now AMC’s longest-running drama cannot be stopped in its inexorable march forward. After Fear The Walking Dead tried (and mostly failed, in your What’s On Tonight correspondent’s humble opinion) to get audiences invested in a group of brand-new frequently annoying humans who make bad decisions yet still don’t get eaten like you want them to, the original flavor is back with Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Carl (Carl? Carl! CARL!!!!), Glenn, Carol, and all your favorites/“favorites”. (Looking at you, Gabriel.) Season six opens with an uneasy peace settling over Alexandria, as Rick’s poised to begin the latest incarnation of the Ricktatorship and clash with the newly arrived Morgan. Zack Handlen is once again prepared to stand against the walkers, and the fact that he’s finally going to have Lennie James around on a regular basis is all the encouragement he needs.
Bob’s Burgers (Fox, 7:30 p.m): Fresh off a welcome renewal for two more seasons, Bob’s Burgers returns to its proven well of comedic genius—the toilet—when Bob learns multiple porta-potties will be installed outside his restaurant during a parade. Perhaps they too will have limited AI and be voiced by Mad Men alums? Alasdair Wilkins has his fingers crossed for Robert Morse and John Slattery.
The Simpsons (Fox, 8 p.m): Remember Marge’s father? Neither do we, since we’re pretty sure he only ever appeared in one episode (albeit one of the show’s best) but apparently he’s back from beyond the grave tonight when his daughters learn that lung cancer killed him. Hopefully Dennis Perkins’s memories of Mr. Bouvier are sharper than your What’s On Tonight correspondent’s and he’ll be able to make all the connections and callbacks we might have missed.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): “Boyle meets an art gallery owner, and Jake thinks they were made for each other.” No surprise there for LaToya Ferguson, as she’s always thought Joe La Truglio’s performance is a work of art.
The Leftovers (HBO, 9 p.m.): The season premiere produced a ton of “What the fuck was that?” moments in the best way, between the introduction to the Murphy family’s various strange activities, the unsettling atmosphere of Miracle, Texas, and that remarkable/inexplicable cold open. Things look to be a little more normal this week as we flash back to Kevin, Nora, and Jill’s decision to leave Mapleton behind, but Joshua Alston isn’t betting against this episode opening with 15 minutes of improvisational jazz imposed over a snow-covered vaguely Biblical saga.
The Good Wife (CBS, 9 p.m.): The Good Wife is still in transition mode, although Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya was encouraged by the presence of Character Actress Margo Martindale and shift to Assistant Grace in the season premiere. Alicia’s arguing a “complex museum vandalism case” tonight, so hopefully they’ll be helping out! (And will active enough to distract us from the Julianna Margulies/Archie Panjabi nonsense that reared its ugly head in the news again a few days ago.)
Homeland (Showtime, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is called “The Tradition Of Hospitality,” which is remarkable given that no one on this show seems to have any reason to be hospitable to each other ever again given the various betrayals and near-death experiences. Might Carrie, Saul, and Quinn all be sitting down to a nice meal together? Joshua Alston’s seen stranger things.
Quantico (ABC, 10 p.m.): “The NATS learn the art of profiling and focus on their classmates’ strengths and weaknesses.” Based on the first few episodes, Joshua Alston’s identified most of their weaknesses stem from the fact that Priyanka Chopra’s Alex is head and shoulders above all of them in terms of being interesting.
Project Greenlight (HBO, 10 p.m.): Tensions are on the rise as production has started, but the crew hasn’t gotten all the signatures necessary to shoot at night. Scott Von Doviak’s upset about this, because it’s happened before and he knows he’s going to find himself holding the blue filter up in front of the camera all day again.
Once Upon A Time (ABC, 8 p.m.)
The Last Man On Earth (Fox, 9:30 p.m.)
The Affair (Showtime, 10 p.m.)
The Simpsons (3 p.m.): Alex McCown’s amped up by Krusty the Clown’s turn to observational comedy in “The Last Temptation Of Krust.” In fact from now on, he’s gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. His first observation is that you’re getting a little fat around the old thighs!
Jane The Virgin is back! Jane The Virgin is back! Jane The Virgin is back! Sorry, we’re just crazy excited for this one, and we know Oliver Sava is too. And speaking of crazy, Molly Eichel has some first thoughts on its new CW Monday night partner Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which is apparently far, far better than its title would lead you to believe.
Also, it’s another week of Watch This brought to you by TV Club, this time with a look at the famous exes of television. Funny coincidence: we mentioned above that Mr. Bouvier only appeared in one episode of The Simpsons, and Erik Adams will be taking a look at that very episode with his thoughts on Homer, Marge, and Artie Ziff in “The Way We Was.”
Madam Secretary (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): Madam Secretary gets its first real-life Secretary of State guest star with Madeline Albright stopping by to offer Elizabeth some advice. Since we know that Albright and Leslie Knope are besties, there’s a real chance that the three of them could sit down over some waffles and talk geopolitical events.
Blood And Oil (ABC, 9 p.m.): Hap’s offering a new deal to his son Wick, who’s so far escaped being implicated in the heist he tried to pull on his father. We unfortunately have a hard time taking Wick seriously because as good as Scott Michael Foster is, not enough time has passed to disassociate him from his part in the epically nutty Zero Hour. YOU MUST FIND ZESE CLOCKS!
CSI: Cyber (CBS, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s unintentionally hilarious episode title: “Heart Me.”
Doll & Em (HBO, 10:30 p.m.): Doll and Em are making changes to their play, which unsettles the leads. But if you had Olivia Wilde and Ewan McGregor in a play together, why wouldn’t you have fun with that script? Maybe a restaging of Little Shop Of Horrors is in order.
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (HBO, 11 p.m.): Since we don’t know what Oliver’s going to talk about on any given week, we’ve decided to forego making a joke about it and do the public service of sharing what he talked about the week before. Here he is with thoughts on the state of mental health in America:
The Great British Baking Show (PBS, 7 p.m.): Things go even more international this week with “Swedish cinnamon buns, German schnecken, and French brioches.” If only there was taste-o-vision.
Home Fires (PBS, 8 p.m.): Lots of things are happening tonight, but most terrifying is the fact that “Allison’s dog is almost killed.” Michael Gaston disappeared from The Leftovers this season, is he practicing his bloody game across time now?
90 Day Fiancé (TLC, 10 p.m.): Season three begins with couples having 90 days to decide if their whirlwind international courtships should conclude with marriage or a fond farewell. Apparently some of the contestants are having issues with visas, so we’re confused why they don’t just start with the marriage and solve that problem at the outset.
Guy’s Grocery Games (Food Network, 8 p.m.): Chefs “incorporate hot dogs in celebratory dinners; make pasta dishes with less than 5 pounds of ingredients; and face the challenge of the Fieri Food Pyramid.” It’s possible TV wants to fold the universe in on itself, because you could potentially watch The Great British Baking Show and then this immediately afterwards, which feels like the equivalent of crossing the streams.
The Book Of Eli (TNT, 8 p.m.): Denzel Washington is Mad Max on a mission from God in this 2010 film where the real hero is the written word.
The Godfather (Sundance, 9 p.m.): Still one of the finest films to ever air on the screen. An offer you can’t refuse.
Half Baked (IFC, 9 p.m.): Have you ever seen this movie before? Well, have you ever seen this movie before… on weed? Wait. Stupid question. No one who’s seen this movie more than once has ever been sober for each viewing.
Bad Santa (MTV, 10 p.m.): This film is excellently dark and features one of Billy Bob Thornton’s best performances as an unapologetic alcoholic sex addict who fails to see the problem with marrying those traits with playing Santa. Plus, Lauren Graham is in it, so if you ever wished Gilmore Girls did an episode where Lorelai had a Santa fetish, this one’s for you.
Sunday Night Football, 49ers at Giants (NBC, 8:20 p.m.)
MLB Playoffs, Game 3, Blue Jays at Rangers (Fox Sports, 8 p.m.)
WNBA Finals, Game 4, Minnesota at Indiana (ESPN, 8:30 p.m.)
Do you not get enough Paul F. Tompkins from his countless podcast appearances, web series, and TV guest spots? Of course you don’t! To satisfy your craving for all things Tompkins, we have Dennis Perkins reviewing his latest stand-up special Crying And Driving, Marah Eakin asking him questions about not having a drivers license (amongst other topics), and your What’s On Tonight correspondent coveting that violet bow tie of his.