You knew this day would come. For about a year now, we humans have all lived inside the great beast known as The Blanket With Sleeves, staring helplessly at its cheap polar fleece insides as it devoured our late night shows, our morning shows, our dignity. But the Snuggie was still hungry. The Snuggie spread its monstrous sleeves throughout the land like a giant squid groping the depths of the ocean for prey, searching for more creatures to wrap and smother and swaddle in its royal blue machine washable misery. Really, it was only a matter of time before the Snuggie came for our most adorable allies: our dogs.

Behold the horror of Snuggie For Dogs:     

Sure, your dog might allow you to drape it with the leaden mantle of your depression. But look at your dog's eyes while it is wearing the Snuggie:

Advertisement

That is not a look of calm resignation to the whims of its master. No, that is a look of pure scorn. Be assured that if you put your dog in a Snuggie, the dog will have its revenge. One night, you'll wake up gasping for breath, unable to see anything except hot pink polar fleece. Panicking, you'll reach up to rip the Snuggie For Dogs off of your face, but find that you can't—someone has duct taped it to your head. Your heart racing, you'll stumble over to the bathroom, open the medicine cabinet and grope the shelves for a pair of nail scissors. After slicing through the duct tape and tearing the Snuggie for Dogs off of your face, you'll hear something run down the hallway, and, strangely, your own voice trailing off, "Hi! My name is Tilly. I live at…"