What are the last words that Entourage fans want to hear? No, not, “This whole episode is about Turtle!” or “Dom’s back!” Those are second and third, perhaps. But here’s what might be the worst: “I’m going to get Sloan back.” Apparently Eric was a slut a couple of times (just a couple? Really?) since breaking it off with the post-Sloan psycho, and tonight he got very worried that a new girl, Tara, had given him a dose of something. The first indication: She fucked Drama four months ago.
But the upshot of Eric’s off-screen romancing: He decided at the end of tonight’s episode that he wants Sloan back. After we thought we had seen the end of that relationship—kissed it goodbye for good after a long, boring time—it’s now threatening to reignite, and with just one episode left in the season. Alas.
But have we seen the end of another relationship? Jamie-Lynn, who was the super-coolest when it was convenient, all of a sudden decided to get jealous of Turtle and his college babes just before jetting off to work in New Zealand. A totally changed, totally tamed Turtle begged her to be reasonable and try out a long-distance relationship, but apparently the real Jamie-Lynn Sigler has some other work, because the fake Jamie-Lynn Sigler told him to go ahead and see other people while she’s gone. But he doesn’t want to. He’ll even un-friend that college babe on Facebook if it makes Jamie-Lynn happy!
The only real fun to be had on tonight's episode was on the business end of things. Malcolm McDowell returned as Terrence, Ari’s former boss (or was it partner?) who tried to screw him over. Terrence wants to sell Ari his agency, which makes Ari salivate a little bit, but he’s wary—until he finds out the truth about Terrence's desperate situation (divorce coming—no pre-nup) and sticks it to Terrence with the “low” offer of $75 million bucks. Was this all a way to get Ari and Lloyd back together? Clearly it was. But that’s okay.
Drama had a little drama of his own, auditioning for the new Melrose Place only to freak out and end up in the hospital. But what was he diagnosed with? I don’t know, because my cable cut out for a minute while the National Weather Service told me about a tornado warning in the greater Chicagoland area. Yikes! (Appears to have passed now, but if I die and the last thing I ever write is an Entourage recap, I’ll be very sad.)
This all dovetails with Eric’s trip to his own doctor to see if Tara the Petri dish has given him something he can’t get rid of. Sadly, he’s clean, which is a wonderful lesson to all the Hollywood wannabes out there watching: You can probably get away with condom-free slut sex at least once.
But there wasn’t much build up to next week’s season finale, and my TiVo didn’t get the “next week on,” so I can only imagine the machines that will be put in motion to get these guys back to their original starting place for another season next year. But seriously, let’s leave Sloan out of it, okay?
— Anybody catch guest voice Seth Rogen making fun of Turtle (sort of) on The Simpsons tonight?
— How’d they manage to score cameos from megastars David Faustino and Dean Cain?!
— If only Drama could hear Turtle say, “We’re gonna talk on the phone 10 times a day, and I’m gonna come visit!”
— Yes, Vince talked on the phone while getting laid on a floatation device by a supermodel who happened to work a regular job. Don’t you feel sorry for Vince that that situation has become so boring?
— Ari drawing a vagina: not too funny. The line “I’d kill my wife before I got a divorce”: quite funny.