Forgive me for the lateness of this post, Entourage fans (and haters)—I was at the David Cross show here in Chicago, and it was damn hilarious. Surely more hilarious than this final episode of Entourage’s sixth season will be. Here goes, people, let’s dive in together. I just noticed that my DVR says it’s 45 minutes—since 30-minute episodes seemed to clock in at under 25 this season, I wonder how long a 45-minute ep will be… (Turns out to be 38, give or take.)
Anyway, that’s not important, here’s what is: pretty decent half-hour of TV, am I right? There was a moment in the middle when I thought they were setting up next season to have all of the guys scattered to the winds, which I thought was actually a decent plan: It’d be a great way to introduce more minor characters, and get away from that scene in every episode where the four dudes are just goofing around and dissing each other. We’re past that point, aren’t we?
So on to the show. Let’s get Turtle out of the way first. He’s so smitten with Jamie-Lynn that he can’t get it up for the co-ed temptress (Johnny: “Was she a squirter?”), so he decides to fly to New Zealand and be with her. The hitch: He can’t get her on the phone until he’s on the tarmac, and she gives him a big speech (hilariously delivered in front of fiery oil barrels) about how their relationship isn’t going to work. He threatens to make a phony bomb threat to get off the plane, but the stewardess tells him that it’d cost him $250,000, so he makes a long-ass detour and heads to Rome to meet Vince.
And what’s Vince doing this whole time? Getting ready to go, presumably, and wondering which of the guys are actually going to make it to Italy to shoot “the new Darabont movie.” Amazingly, he had no anonymous sex this week, though maybe he had sex with the chick in the sunglasses shop, and we just didn’t see it. Speaking of the sunglasses shop, it’s where we first run into Matt Damon, who proceeded to act circles around Grenier and Dillon. I don’t necessarily mean that as a huge shot at those guys—I think Dillon’s usually pretty funny as Johnny Drama, but it was just so clear that they’re in different leagues. Anyway, Damon is there (as himself) to harass Vince into donating money for charity: The show even roped in Bono (via webcam) and LeBron James to add to the season-ending star power.
Johnny continues his crisis of faith regarding his acting career, but eventually realizes that a just-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude is probably best, and he nails his Melrose Place audition. The only problem? He’s too old for the role. But William Fichtner gives him the great news that the studio wants a holding deal and will develop a show around him. Now there’s some potential Entourage greatness for next season: Have Johnny star in a shitty, According To Jim-styled sitcom and let the horrible jokes flow. Please do this, Entourage.
And, sigh: Eric and Sloan. Eric sets about winning her back, kinda fucks up, then asks her to marry him. Hopefully they can just get married and Sloan can fade into the background like Mrs. Ari, popping up occasionally when the plot calls for it. As long as it’s finally settled, I don’t care how they do it. And the final shot of Eric carrying Sloan to the car was actually sort of sweet.
Finally: Lloyd and Ari. The way it always had to end, it finally did. There would be no satisfaction (for either Ari or us) if he destroyed Lloyd and sent him packing back to wherever he came from. And after being an egregious asshole for ages, Ari finally gets his head back together and apologizes to Lloyd, making him an agent after all. Along with Eric, it’s an actual major change for a regular, which is probably a good thing. And though this season started off pretty weakly, it really cleared up for me as it went along. It’s certainly not the greatest show on TV, but it’s back to being as good as it needs to be. (And frankly, more entertaining to me than Bored To Death, but that’s another story.) See you next season.
— Ari’s speech at the shrink (Nora Dunn, w’sup!) was pretty great. “Lloyd, that little queen, who I welcomed into my home… I would tie him up and let the entire SAG anally rape him, if I didn’t think he would enjoy it.” And “Can we fuck in here?”
— Matt Damon, dissing Johnny: “You can look at it, too”
— The whole paintball-gun scene was a little over the top. Ari’s more in control than that, and knows he’d get his ass seriously sued.
— “You were the best slave that I ever had.”
— Congrats, you’re finally a real Asian.