2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil: Germany Vs. Argentina (ABC, 2 p.m.): Oh-way-ahhh: Assuming Rio De Janeiro hasn’t been leveled by the psychic energy of 199 million disappointed Brazilian fans, the German and Argentine sides will compete for soccer’s greatest international prize. It’s a rematch of the 1986 and ’90 finals, in the sense that a West German side is the same thing as a team representing a unified Germany. Clearly it isn’t, because it requires the complete might of Deutschland to score 7 goals against Brazil in the semifinals.
The Strain (FX, 10 p.m.): While one globe-seizing phenomenon comes to a close, another opens up its Guillermo Del Toro-imagined ovipositor. Zack Handlen found himself immune to The Strain; perhaps LaToya Ferguson will find more to sink her teeth into here.
Ray Donovan (Showtime, 9 p.m.): Sorry to disappoint, DonoFans, but we’re dropping regular coverage of this one. Then again, there’s no way of confirming the DonoFans’ existence (or, per Zack Handlen, no way of confirming the existence of a singular DonoFan), so maybe we’re just apologizing to the wind here.
Masters Of Sex (Showtime, 10 p.m.): This Showtime drama, however, is sticking around. Many critics—our own Sonia Saraiya included—are saying Masters Of Sex’s second season is even better than the first one, something Gwen Ihnat will set out to empirically prove one episode at a time.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Farscape (11 a.m.): Prior to TV Club Classic’s 4th of July holiday, Alasdair Wilkins couldn’t remember anything about the next two Farscapes. Was his memory refreshed during the hiatus? Did it turn out his memories of these episodes were stolen? Hey, wouldn’t that make for a pretty good episode of a sci-fi series?
The Simpsons (Classic) (3 p.m.): Les Chappell would like to remind you that he is a genuine U.S. citizen with this review of “Much Apu About Nothing,” an episode he loves almost as much as the Nye Mets.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Game Of Crowns (Bravo, 9 p.m.): When you play the Game Of Crowns, you either win or you die of embarrassment because you didn’t win a beauty pageant for married woman. (On the plus side, if win second place, a wealthy cartoon benefactor is willing to give you $10!)
Brother Versus Brother (HGTV, 9 p.m.): The Property Brothers crown their own winner tonight, with the home-improvement competition completing its second season.
Lone Star Lady (A&E, 10 p.m.): Tales of the newly oil-rich told in the classic A&E house style, which means someone on this show is going to publicly plant a foot in their mouth in the coming months.
Devious Maids (Lifetime, 10 p.m.): How devious have those Devious Maids been in the show’s second season, which ends tonight? Find out for yourself, and rate their deviousness on a scale of 1 to 10, a 1 being “only slightly deceitful” and a 10 being “this whole time, the maids weren’t even maids! How devious!”
Debbie Macomber’s Trading Christmas (Hallmark, 8 p.m.): Hallmark reportedly has 12 Christmas movies in development for the upcoming holiday season—and that’s how you can start programming stuff like this movie, which puts the “merry” in “merry mixup.”
Purple Rain (VH1, 9 p.m.): Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here to get through this thing called another four years without a World Cup. Let Prince wash those tears away in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
TOMORROW IN TV CLUB
Who knows what laughter lurks in the hearts of a studio audience that’s seen the same scenes of the same sitcom episode play out, over and over again, for six hours? Expert Witness knows, and all will be revealed in this interview with sitcom warm-up comic Allan Murray.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Legend Of Korra (Friday): The show settled into its regular timeslot on Friday, not that you’d notice if you’ve made Korra part of this complete, DVR-clearing Saturday-morning breakfast. Recommended by three out of four Oliver Savas!