Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Dr. Drew Is Really, Really Sad He Couldn't Exploit Corey Haim In Time

When you heard about Corey Haim's death yesterday, did you put down the Sharpie you were using to sign copies of your book about the scourge of celebrity narcissism with your own giant face on the cover, rest your chin in your hand (your "concerned" pose), and think, "Hmm. Just in time for the premiere of Sober House 2!" No? Well then you're probably a whole human being, and not the vulture-brained Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Still, he waited about 7 whole hours before before trying to capitalize on Corey Haim's death which shows the tiniest sliver possible of restraint.

From MTV:

Though a drug overdose is suspected, Los Angeles police have not yet determined what substance killed actor Corey Haim, 38. But for addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky, Wednesday's (March 10) headlines offered a sadly similar refrain.

"I never met Corey, but people brought his name up to me hundreds of times, and as I'm sure I've told you, this is just the beginning of a tidal wave of more of this," he said. "My patients are dying every day from medication prescribed by my peers. And it's not just young Hollywood but all kinds of people, and you don't need illicit drugs anymore because pharmaceuticals are just as powerful."


See, Dr. Drew never met Corey Haim, the police haven't determined what substance (if any) killed him, but Dr. Drew is pretty certain he knows what killed this total stranger—that's how great of a doctor he is. He can diagnose and determine cause of death just by hearing someone's name! He's basically Miss Cleo but with a medical degree so people (wrongfully) take him seriously.

If only Corey Haim would have allowed Dr. Drew to exploit him while he was alive!

Pinsky, host of VH1's "Celebrity Rehab," never treated Haim but said he was the kind of star who might have benefited from being on the show. "I can't confirm it, but I just heard that our producers had reached out to him, and he reacted enraged and insulted, like, 'How dare you!' " Pinsky said. "Which is a shame, because he would have really been helped. All I know is that our outcomes are pretty good, and there's something about the cameras and doing it publicly that holds people accountable and makes them want to be an inspiration to other people."

There's also something about the cameras that makes Dr. Drew less of a doctor and more of a vulture-brained celebrity. But he knows that, or he should—after all, he literally wrote the book on it:


I wonder what the pitch for Celebrity Rehab is:

"Hey. So we hear that you're still a total fucked up mess. Don't try to deny it. Once a fucked-up mess, always a fucked-up mess, you know? Anyhoo, we'd like you to come be a total fucked-up mess on TV and talk about how you were probably abused (Dr. Drew says all addicts were abused) so that Dr. Drew can keep his face out there. What do you say?"


Honestly, "How dare you!" seems like the most logical response.

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