Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, November 5. All times are Eastern.
The 48th Annual CMA Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): There is no new episode of Nashville tonight, but that doesn’t mean there’s no source for country music on primetime network television. That’s right—it’s time for the CMA Awards, hosted by the duo everyone wants to see host every awards show, Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley. This is the duo’s seventh year in a row hosting the CMA Awards, which really makes you wonder how they haven’t become known as “awards show hosts” and nothing else. However, that’s not what’s really important, as this is “country music’s biggest night,” even if it doesn’t have Scarlett O’Connor hiding under a piano in the middle of a performance.
Arrow (The CW, 8 p.m.): It’s “The Secret Origin Of Felicity Smoak,” Alasdair Wilkins! The episode was originally titled “Oracle,” which led to all sorts of speculation about the plot. Now that the episode is here, it’s time to see what life was once like for Starling City’s most adorable hacker. Hopefully the minor reference to It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! in this What’s On Tonight doesn’t lead to the episode offering Alasdair Wilkins nothing more than a rock.
South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): In what is sure to be an emotionally-charged episode of South Park, Terrance and Phillip learn that money can’t buy happiness. Josh Modell thinks that’s all balderdash and hogwash. Money is the answer to all of life’s problems.
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.)
The League (FXX, 10 p.m.)
Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.)
Lost (Classic) (1 p.m.): “The Long Con” and “One Of Them” are episodes dedicated to Sawyer and Sayid, respectively, two of the more disparate personalities on Lost. It will interesting to see Myles McNutt’s thoughts on both episodes’ flashbacks, as well as the discussion to come with the latter episode’s introduction of a character who shows up surprisingly late in the second season: Henry Gale.
Scott Von Doviak has a pre-air review of BBC America’s new Cold War espionage miniseries (which airs tonight at 10 p.m.), The Game. No, the BET series The Game has not found a new home at BBC America—this is something else. Do you like espionage? Do you like miniseries? Do you like British things? Do you like characters called “Daddy”? Of course you do—those are all great things! If Scott’s review gets you even more excited for all of this, be sure to check the first episode out.
Also, have you ever heard of Then Came Bronson? Well, it’s the newest entry in the wonderful world of One-Season Wonders, Weirdos, And Wannabes, courtesy of Stephen Bowie. Bowie refers to Bronson as “the closest that television in the ’60s came to capturing the counterculture with any accuracy.” That’s a bold statement, Bowie. A bold statement, indeed.
Then there’s an all new Inventory, with John Teti dissecting the lyrics to various game show theme songs. Shout out to Rockapella! And finally, there’s 11 Questions with Eric André, and Josh Modell calls it like he sees it: “Eric André says a bunch of bullshit.”
Over The Garden Wall (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.): Episodes five and six of Cartoon Network’s first miniseries ever air tonight, with “Mad Love” and “Lullaby In Frogland.” Both episodes sound extremely romantic, especially that one about the land of frogs. Is this what the kids are watching these days?
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, 8 p.m.): “Both teams get new members before being challenged to prepare a tasting menu for an American Kennel Club competition. The winners visit SeaWorld in San Diego, while the losers groom the dogs ahead of the show. Later, the chefs prepare dishes for guests at the dog show.” Do you ever just read episode descriptions for Hell’s Kitchen and then realize after the third time re-reading them that you just do not get Hell’s Kitchen? Follow-up: Does any of this feel like deja vu?
The Mysteries Of Laura (NBC, 8 p.m.): “A woman’s body is found on a party bus, and the murder investigation leads to a beauty empire.” Come on, The Mysteries Of Laura—you already had an episode about modeling and how middle-aged women can’t be models (or can they?). Bringing in a “beauty empire” isn’t going to trick anyone into thinking it’s a different episode. Why can’t women just have it all, dammit? The answer is, of course, a mystery.
The Getaway (Esquire, 9 p.m.): Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at “Jack McBrayer In Hawaii.”
Stalker (CBS, 10 p.m.): Last week’s episode of Stalker was one of the greatest things to ever grace the small screen, the highest of high art, and something that would make our lord and savior, The Cape, proud. This week, there is no possible way that it can live up to any of that. Just rewatch last week’s episode again.
Hot In Cleveland (TV Land, 10 p.m.): It feels like only yesterday the fifth season of Hot In Cleveland ended. That’s because it was a little over a month ago. The fifth season literally ended in September. This production schedule can’t be good for anyone’s health. You can be cold in Cleveland every once in a while, Hot In Cleveland!
The Exes (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.): It looks like Valentine’s Day has come early in the forth season premiere of The Exes. Seriously, both of its plots are the types you would see specifically in a Valentine’s Day episode of television. “Holly tries to play cupid for Haskell and Nicki; Stuart makes a secret arrangement for Phil to reunite with his high school crush.” Cupid’s name is invoked. In November. Come on, people. This is the time of year when you celebrate Christmas way too early. Not Valentine’s Day.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (ABC Family, 6:30 p.m.): Remember the part when Judge Doom reveals his true demonic cartoon nature? Of course you do—it probably scarred you for life. It’s never too early to make your own children afraid of everything. It builds character.
The Witches (HBO Family, 7 p.m.): Gather the family around for a movie all about turning children into mice and traumatizing the children in your family for life. While the latter half of that could be the case for any Roald Dahl story turned movie, right now, it’s all about the 1990 movie, The Witches. Children need to be scared. It builds character.
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (ABC Family, 8:30 p.m.): It’s actually a night of bringing back childhood trauma (Roald Dahl-inspired and otherwise), and what better way to wrap it all up than with the Gene Wilder-led Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory? While the Tim Burton mess that is Charlie & The Chocolate Factory has most likely terrified children for years to come on just Johnny Depp’s visage alone in that film, it could never compete with Gene Wilder’s devious appearance, going down that river of death. Character, character, character.
NBA Basketball: Pacers At Wizards (ESPN, 8 p.m.): It would appear that no child has ever been traumatized by watching basketball, but who really knows? The Wizards’ mascots are…interesting, to say the least.
The Pacers shut out the Wizards during the Eastern Conference semifinals, so will there be retribution? If you’re a Wizards fan, the answer to that is probably: hopefully.
NBA Basketball: Clippers At Warriors (ESPN, 10:30 p.m.): This is just a reason to post a picture of Blake Griffin and his mustache.
Lucha Underground (El Rey, 8 p.m.): For better or worse, there is wrestling on TV practically every night of the week (thanks, WWE Network!), so at this point in What’s On Tonight, it’s somewhat necessary to mention it. Prince Puma (Ricochet) and Johnny Mundo (John Morrison) team up in episode two of Lucha Underground, and that’s really all you need to know. Flips and flips and flips and flips.
Impact Wrestling (Spike, 9 p.m.): The Tag Tournament finals are on the card tonight, with The Hardys versus Samoa Joe & Low-Ki. If that sounds like something that would have been absolutely amazing a decade ago, that’s because it probably would have! Luckily, Havok versus Gail Kim for the Knockouts title is also on the card, and assuming there is no funny business (which you can’t really assume with TNA), it will be absolutely amazing today in 2014.
New Girl: It was a bottle episode, and Erik Adams’ review of last night’s episode pairs just perfectly with his Walkthrough piece talking to the New Girl writers about the process of making bottle episodes. You’ve got to love that synergy.