In case you were wondering what wearing a perfume "by" Diddy would be like, besides covering your body in Icy Hot while listening to Mo Money Mo Problems on loop, he made this very helpful scent pyramid for you.

According to this chart, here's what wearing Unforgivable Woman by Diddy is like:

1. First, it's like you're a bright orange screen saver, constantly twisting and turning until someone touches the mouse. You know, innocence.


2. Next, you're a temptress—specifically like a drab stone sitting in a shallow puddle. Oh how those drab stones love to flirt! "Look at me sitting here in this stagnant water," they seem to whisper. "Do you want to see my lichen?" Nothing is more tempting than a stone.

3. Finally, the scent transforms you into the epitome of sexy: A chunk of petrified wood.

Clearly, Diddy's fragrance deserved the two, two!, acrylic waterfall awards it apparently won.


Oh, and in case you were wondering what it's like to have Diddy sell you this fragrance on the Home Shopping Network, it's basically like watching Diddy fight falling asleep after sitting on a futon in a one of the living room displays in the Ikea showroom.

Highlights include:

—"I respect all of their fragrances."

—"The warmth of the woman…" "That's that Pina Colada scent."

—"You know I take baths, right? You didn't google me?"

—"Wow. You're a fascinating man."