Look, Denny's. It's great, well, it's fine that you want to make your restaurant a place for bands and fans to hang out after their little musical shows. Your restaurant chain is open 24-hours, which is a rarity in many places, so drunk people would probably be going there to get food late at night anyway. They have no choice. But you need to calm down with the "cool" signifiers. Instead of, say, naming a quesadilla after Jewel, touting the fact that your waitstaff wear t-shirts (just like young people wear!), and making a stoner unicorn your spokesperson, why not just emphasize the low prices, greasy food, and 24-hour service. Drunk young people (some possibly in bands) will respond.

In the immortal words of Huey Lewis, it's hip to be square. A creepy Dinosaur puppet slurping up "Zesty Nachos" with his gross, wet cow's tongue while wearing a Taking Back Sunday shirt is trying way, way too hard.    

Okay, so there's a dinosaur, a stoner unicorn, a sassy leprechaun, and a regular dude. Where are the pirate, coked-up Falcor, and rappin' Abraham Lincoln? Anything can happen at Denny's AllNighter (except maybe edible food), amirite?

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