Since it's running on the fumes of a fight (OMG! Heidi chose Spencer over Lauren!) that happened three years ago, by all logic The Hills should have slowly rolled to a stop on the side of the road a long time ago. But of course, The Hills isn't governed by logic, any more than the stars of The Hills are governed by their non-existent brains. (Fun Fact! If you crack open the cranium of a Hills cast member, you'll find one of the following: a pool of nail polish remover, three craisins, or the crushed cereal dust found at the bottom of a bag of Cap'n Crunch. Try it!) Turns out, MTV is more than happy to beat the bloody spot on the ground that used to be a horse for season after season after season.

Behold, the trailer for season 5 of The Hills.

Two things:

1. The fortune teller really loses all semblence of psychic ability when the person she's giving a reading to is the star of her own popular, long-running reality show. "There's someone who took this person away from you." Yeah. We know. His name is Spencer. No one needs tarot cards to tell them that. Jesus. Who writes this show?

Advertisement

2. In case you were wondering what The Hills would look like without the overhead shots of LA, or the nightclub subtitles, or endless blank stares, this is it. The actual plot of the entire season amounts to only 2 minutes and 25 seconds.