Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Carrie Prejean Holding Out For Title Of Miss Heaven Grand Supreme

Remember Carrie Prejean? The Donald Trump employee who just thinks that only opposites (men and women, birds and fish, mice and elephants) should get married, and why are you so mean to her?  Well, now Prejean is a professional victim who will, for a fee, speak at your conference, event, or Value Voters Summit—which is a huge waste of money because you can put a microphone in front of an amp and create screechy, whiny feedback for free.

This past weekend, Prejean spoke about the injustice of earthly beauty pageants and why she can't wait to die (or something) before a rapt audience. If her eyes look a little strange in the clip below, don't be alarmed. The bundle of pink cotton candy in her cranial cavity is slowly petrifying, leading to a permanently startled look.

(Via Daily Intel)

Silly Carrie Prejean. The big winner (Miss Heaven Grand Supreme) of God's Gold Coast Pageant doesn't get a crown—she gets 5 hundred dollar bills duct-taped together to form a money fan, a sequined sash, and a trophy the size of a large rottweiler. Haven't you ever seen Toddlers & Tiaras: Special Afterlife Edition? And, anyway, girls over 12 never win the big prize. Miss Heaven Grand Supreme usually goes to someone in the Precious Lil Miss age group (5-6 year olds) cause those girls just look so adorable when drowning in tulle and self-tanner, and they prefer to express their idiocy in dance routines rather than speeches. But thanks for competing!