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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

America's Next Top Model: "For Those About To Walk, We Salute You"

Illustration for article titled iAmericas Next Top Model/i: For Those About To Walk, We Salute You
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Illustration for article titled iAmericas Next Top Model/i: For Those About To Walk, We Salute You

"Have fun on your commercial flight!" Has there ever been a better dismissal? Those words almost traced a silhouette of a drag queen striking an "Oh snap" pose in the air as soon as they escaped Tyra's mouth. I was waiting for someone to douse her with a hefty dose of "H2-O no you didn't!" on her way up the steps of the plane. Alas, it didn't happen.

But still, we should all use that phrase more often. I'm going to start a personal campaign to make "Have fun on your commercial flight!" the new "See you later." Together we can make this bitchy goodbye a mainstay.

Tyra was in top form tonight. She's at her best when she believes that people aren't taking Top Model seriously (Shh! Don't tell her that's all the time), which she obviously felt was the case with Fatima and her missing "travel document." [Aside: What do you think Fatima's mysterious "travel document" is? A visa? A crossword puzzle? A drawing of an airplane?] I mean, obviously Fatima lost her "travel document" because she wants to piss off Tyra and isn't taking Top Model seriously. And she blew off the photo shoot for an appointment at her consulate because she clearly thinks that the whole show is a joke, right? Which I guess is why Tyra was so mad at her. She kept admonishing Fatima about not having a photo to show at the surprise hangar judging.

But the best part about tonight's episode was that Tyra's anger towards Fatima was all bluster: they didn't even kick her off, instead opting for the merciful removal of Stacy-Ann and her incredibly unlikely baby-doll voice. So Fatima's lack of a photo was better than Stacy-Ann's entire, posey photo shoot. That's how bad the judges think Stacy-Ann is: another model literally doing nothing is worth more than all of her powder-puff work. I'm not saying I disagree, I just think it's worth pointing out how much the judges don't like Stacy-Ann.

Elsewhere in the episode, Anya somehow meeped her way into the hearts of 7Up, some designer who might as well be named Jay Giorgio, and the woman from Access Hollywood at the incredibly depressing, all-ANTM notables "green carpet" event. How could they choose her as the winner if they can't see her? Dominique wore what appeared to be red marker on her mouth instead of lipstick. And Lauren almost cut her thumb off while making potato pancakes. So: blustery anger, invisible winners, Crayola clown make-up, and near-loss of a limb. All in all, that's a pretty good ANTM episode. Have fun on your commerical flight!

Grade: A-

Stray Observations:

—What do you think was inside Tyra's "You're going to Rome!" hat box? I say 11 Popeyes' drumsticks wrapped in a wide leather belt—just to give it the right heft.

—Whitney's dress: unfortunate metallic trash bag or Halloween costume for "trashy woman."

—Tyra just learned how to not cut off her thumb when using a knife two weeks ago. She is soo relatable.

—My picks for Top 3: Lauren, Anya, Whitney. MOB is my alternate, though, because Whitney is mostly my wishful thinking.

—Dominique only referred to Dominique once this episode. Is Dominique forgetting about Dominique and how to keep it Dominique with the Dominiqueness?

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