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Oh, I wish every night of American Idol was group night. Because it's pleasing to see a handful of singers come together and utilize teamwork and put on a nice little performance. But it's even better when you see egos clash and find out who's utterly, utterly bush-league.


I was surprised at first by how bitchy people were to outsiders joining their already-formed groups, but then we saw that Tatiana Del Toro was one of those free agents who joined a pre-existing team. Tatiania (the girl with the crazy laugh and the press kit) is batshit insane in a way that's very, very compelling to me. I don't think she is faking whatever it is she's doing which is why I think she could really be a star. Have you ever watched footage of Celine Dion showing off her "personality"?  Not too different. Anyway, so Tatiana joined some group, tried to take control and called them bad singers and when they didn't seem to like it she tried to join another group, and then went back to her original. The looks on Tatiana's teammates' faces were priceless.

The second group of turmoil involved Jasmine (who reminds me, looks-wise, of Gabrielle Union), Bikini Girl and Rose. Bikini Girl irks me but Rose's tie-dyed shirt and blanket-sweater barefoot thing also didn't win me over. Wow, look at you, wearing your id tag on your head. Yeah, you can be a free-spirited hippie but you don't have to be gross about it.

The other group of drama, "Team Compromise" was mostly annoying and not titillating. Nancy (red weave) Wilson wanted to rehearse and Kristen, the blonde chick, wanted to take a break, so for some reason this made them mad at each other. The only part of them that was exciting was Nathaniel Marshall, who is a drama queen nightmare. He started weeping trying to get the girls to work together screaming "It's not just your dream at stake!" and then ran off, hand to forehead, so spent that he couldn't talk the next day.


The morning of the performance Katrina refused to get out of bed, ostensibly quitting the competition. This didn't entirely surprise me‚ÄĒKatrina seemed like she was all talk but didn't actually have the balls to get up as a part of a team and be a professional performer without the pouty-face sex-kitten routine.¬†Her fellow group members didn't seem too surprised by her quitting either.¬†The drama with her return was probably a little overhyped, what with the pounding of the fist on the table, but I knew it would prove to be good watching.

We got off to an auspicious start with "White Chocolate" performing a cute a cappella version of "I Want You Back"‚ÄĒeven Simon clapped (although you could argue that India Morrison barely sang).¬†Then everybody forgot the words to "Get Ready" but I spotted that Nick/Norman Gentle made it through so I have a reason to live until next week.

Then we saw "Action Squad" perform, which contained Alex Wagner-Trugman (one of the dorks) and Emily Wynne-Hughes (pink hair with cupcake neck tatoos). I was surprised that Alex made it through with his awful dancing and facial expressions and Emily didn't‚ÄĒshe seemed to be the lone one holding her faltering team together.¬†But I guess a lot of things were going on behind the scenes, as the also-eliminated Ryan Pinkston claimed to feel insulted by Paula Abdul‚ÄĒhe saw "an evil in her eyes."¬†Paula may not be perfect but I would never say her eyes were focused enough to summon the powers of darkness.


Then Simon proclaimed of a batch of singers: "all crap," a phrase I think he should use more along with "a succession of horrors."¬†I'm waiting for him to one day say "Literally, worse than the Holocaust‚ÄĚ.

Danny (the widower) Gokey's group made it through (along with Jamar Rogers, whose piercing I cannot tolerate). They were good, I have to admit it, and Danny is talented which means I'm going to have to eventually quit making fun of his melodramatic audition.

I am however going to make fun of Adam Lambert, the guy who I from here on out will refer to as Fall Out Man, due to his eyeliner and Wentz-ish hairstyle covering up a kind of weathered face. The guy wore pants tucked into boots, people.


So finally "Team Diva" (an ominous title if there ever was one) took the stage, Katrina making her pouty face for no reason. Jasmine looked gorgeous and Rose, I think, forgot the words right off the bat, but it's no surprise since she forgot her shoes, too. So Simon finally gave Katrina some shit, probably because Kara decided to keep her mouth shut for once. Katrina's excuse was that she was in heels the day before, has scoliosis (don't we all) and only got a few hours of sleep. Only Jasmine made it through which is good because she was the only one out of the four girls who seemed to resemble anything close to a professional. Kara got in her digs though, noting (correctly) that Katrina was posing onstage, refused to hug Jasmine and was a big ol' tall bitch. Katrina decided to exit the show gracelessly, refusing to pretend to be nice to her former groupmates or to take the blame for her disappearing act. Bye bye, Bikini Girl. See you on I Love Money 8.

Tatiana's team then performed, looking strangely sweaty and beat after the performance. Surprisingly the entire group went through and Tatiana had a full-on meltdown, shrieking and thanking everyone involved with the show, claiming "We're all a part of me!" and basically ruining her teammates' pleasure in getting through. I'm serious; I want this girl to be really famous. She's going to make Mariah Carey look withdrawn and tasteful.

Finally, "Team Compromise". Well. I guess the main story is how crappy Nancy Wilson was to her other groupmates (who Simon claimed all sabotaged each other singing backup) but I can't get over Nate. I'm all for theatricality and flamboyance but basically, if you watch him, he performs like he's a girl practicing at home in her bedroom. A fierce, talented girl, but not an adult male. But basically, that whole team was a big pain in the ass and I wish they'd all gotten eliminated.


Next week! Hollywood Week continues. And Anoop Desai held the last note on tonight's episode. Word.

Grade: A-

Stray observations:

‚ÄĒDid anyone catch Tatiana saying at the beginning of the episode, "They are going to humiliate me like they did on camera"?¬†I assume that the taping of this show isn't so that she saw her audition on TV before Hollywood week‚ÄĒso did she just assume that she looked like an ass?


‚ÄĒI liked Rose‚Äôs wonky teeth.¬†Too many people these days have perfect teeth.