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Hollywood Week! Let’s get right to it and break some hearts! Ignore the fact that it is technically both more and less than a week! Cue the church music and heartbeat sound!


The first to make it through tonight was Brett Lowenstern, AKA redhead Kenny G., whose sob story is that he was a bullying victim. I’m glad he made it to this point, but I didn’t really feel the need to see him go further: He has a slight whine/groan when he sings that I could do without, but he’ll be back next week. After Brett declared that he’s through with being a victim, my husband observed, “He talks like a girl.”

Thia Megia, one of the preternaturally calm 15-year-olds then made it through, as did Casey Abrams, the scatting guy, who still looks like the less dashingly handsome version of Seth Rogen.

I actually typed, “If she wins I’m going to kill myself” in regards to Victoria Huggins, the Miley Cyrus-type girl who packed all her bags for Hollywood in anticipation of a long stay. Amazingly, she didn’t make it past this round, and this is one case where I’d love to know what the judges’ rationale was, because to be fair, I thought Victoria technically sang better than some other people who made it through tonight. But maybe the judges felt the same way about her that I did (that is to say, stabby). Just when I thought, “Aw, well, she seems like she’s trying to be a good sport,” she said “I feel like more than just a 17-year-old. I feel… special.” Don't let the door hit you on your special little ass, honey.


I’m not sure why the show played “The Only Living Boy in New York” to start the next segment, but, hey, it’s a good song.

Paris Tassin, the gal with the special-needs daughter, made it through singing the theme from Titanic, which meant I was rooting against her. (It’s not so much Titanic but the hubris of singing Celine Dion: You need to be outstandingly strong to belt one of those songs, and I don’t think she was.) James Durbin made it past the next round, too, and even though I still feel sorry for him, his high notes (along with his scarf-tail) on “Oh! Darling” were not enjoyable in the least. I didn’t have a problem with the judges deciding to dismiss Stormie Henley or keeping Lauren Alaina, though.

Chris Medina scored a “poignant victory” by making it through to the next round, crying afterwards to the tune of Coldplay’s “Fix You,” because that’s what he’s doing to his wife, I guess. That doesn’t change the fact that he is in severe need of a haircut.


A bunch of the younguns then made it through to the next round: Hollie Cavanagh, the girl whose nerves were so bad in her original audition, seemed to be over her nerves very well at this time. Jacee Bedeaux (or “Fat Bieber,” according to my housemate) still sings like an angel and possesses impossible coolness. Robbie Rosen also made it through: I don’t remember much about him, but he looks like Adrian Zmed and had what I considered to be somewhat obnoxious stage presence after the calm Jacee.

Rob and Chelsee, the ex-couple, both made it to the next round, both singing quite understatedly (perhaps even sleepily). The only contestant who I felt Schadenfreude about for not getting through was Nick Fink, half of the other alleged couple in the competition. First, I hated his shiny ivory jacket with the sleeves pushed up and his winky, grinning stage presence. Jacqueline, his girlfriend (whose hair color inexplicably bothers me), made it through, but Nick didn’t, and he didn’t want to accept that fact. He somehow got the microphone to beg the judges for another chance in order to continue with “his baby” (ugh shut up I hate you). Jennifer pretended to be sad at this point, but I wasn’t at all. Then Nick turned around and begifted the judges another song as he walked up the aisles, and Jacqueline rightfully looked embarrassed. Nick asked Ryan how it was possible not to be hurt by the holocaust of emotions that just happened right there in front of him. I sort of hope Jacqueline goes really far in the competition so we can watch Nick have to just deal with it and his life choices right there on TV.

With that human tragedy over, Scotty McCreery (deep country singer), Jackie Wilson (blonde who sang Aretha Franklin in Nashville), and Jerome Bell (hipster Marvin Gaye) all made it through singing their original audition songs.


We closed with Travis Orlando, the kid who lived for a while in a homeless shelter, and “robust” (Ryan’s word) Tiffany Rios. I can be mean to her now that she chose her time onstage to say “I’m tired of people trying to do what I know I can,” before she sang, so now I don’t feel bad saying that she has a face like a yam. As she performed, she grabbed onto the railing of the stage stairs and looked like she was trying to lay an egg. Travis, meanwhile, gave a rather thin and unspecial audition. I wasn’t surprised that Travis didn’t make it through but was that Tiffany did: Maybe the judges know we’ll have something to talk about while she’s on the show.

To wrap things up, Clint Gambo, Julie Zorrilla, the Guitierrez brothers, Emily Anne Reed, and Naima Adedapo (one of my early favorites) also made it through, along with Ashley Sullivan who still seems crazy and just getting crazier.

So 327 golden-ticketed contestants are gradually getting whittled down. Next week contains the night of fighting we all love the most: group night!


Stray observations:

  • I wasn’t really paying attention to what Jennifer wore since I was so focused on Aunt Steven’s hot pink leopard-print shirt.