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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: Auditions #3: Chicago

Illustration for article titled American Idol: Auditions #3: Chicago
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At least the city looked nice.  I'm sorry to say that my hometown Chicago didn't offer too much in terms of talent or hilarious non-talent on tonight's audition episode.  However, the production crew did nab some beautiful footage of our fair city in the summertime: you really must visit.  Have you heard of Barack Obama? He is from here.

I should have known that the episode would be a drag when the first sob story of the night was a girl whose mother put her husband on blast on national TV for divorcing her.  Guys, don't leave your wives unless you want to see them complaining about you to Ryan Seacrest.  I wasn't too psyched about most of the girls who made it through. There was one chick who irritated me because everything about her was too cute: her name is Charity Vance, she was raised in an in-home beauty salon owned by her whole family, she sings to entertain the customers, she acts like the broom is a mic and she sang "Summertime." Ugh. 

The exception though was Angela Martin—you might remember has as the gal from Chicago a few seasons back who was taking care of her disabled daughter.  After going through personal trauma the first time she got through to Hollywood and having some legal issues the second time, she was back again, and Simon actually said some truly sincerely nice things to her. It feels like the show wants her to make it all the way to the top 20 this time.

Otherwise, the show seemed to be peppered with bad, not-noteworthy auditions from outgoing big-boned people.  I have a feeling that there is a new wave of people trying out ironically who are actually big non-ironic fans of Glee, like the chick who made her boobs bounce up and down as she sang.  She had so much personality! And yet was something of a misfit! If only there was a show for people like her! (Well there was, and Ben Folds was a judge on it. Go figure).  

The main question, though, was whether Brian Krause, the former serviceman who sang Tiny Tim, was faking his whole bad audition.  I'm pretty sure he was—he got me with the warm bubble bath he was hoping to slip into.  I liked the moment Simon realized he was sick of the whole situation, joke or real.

The only other hero of the night was John Park who can sing well despite—get this—being ASIAN.  Come on, that's what we all knew the judges were thinking when they said, "I was very surprised!"  Shania Twain, the guest judge (I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around a Canadian country diva.  It's a flavor combination I can't get into, like chocolate and orange) had a gay old time objectifying him.  Will John be the Anoop Desai of season 9, proving that you don't have to be white to sing well and be a frat boy? I hope not.

Orlando tomorrow night.  If you’re waiting to get into the season until Hollywood Week, come back in February.

—In a Sinatra Windy City showdown, do you pick "My Kind of Town" or "Chicago"? 

—Did anybody see the kid who looked just like Kris Allen who snuck through? Those always come out of the woodwork season to season. I'm surprised we haven't seen any wanna-be Adams yet.

—I liked Curley Newbern for the reason that he made Maxwell's version of "This Woman’s Work" a song to be laughed at and not cried to.